What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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