Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
