a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
