I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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