I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
