I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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