He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
