I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
