I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
