So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
