i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
