Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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