he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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