Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
