What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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