dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
