Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just high enough for therapy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
