Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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