that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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