I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
