But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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