If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
