before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
