Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
