Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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