Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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