you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
