oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
