i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
