i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
