Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I believe in your delicious
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
