You're so nebulous sometimes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
