Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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