I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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