All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
