Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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