I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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