he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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