I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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