No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
