Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
