we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
