I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
