I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
