shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
