Your face is a jimmy john
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
