Kiss
Puke
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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