My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
