dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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