Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
