awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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