I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
