Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
