we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
