i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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