I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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