I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
