I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
