I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
