I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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