So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
