Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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