Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
