Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
