But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
