The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
