after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Couch. On fire.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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