If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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