Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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