new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am one with the molecules
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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