Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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