I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just invented taco cereal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
