I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
