You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You pole danced in your parka.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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