I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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