This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
