Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
